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Return of the Muse

April 2, 2006

It’s been over a week since my last post, almost 2 since my last lengthy effort. Thankfully this is not the result of yet another depressive episode, but rather the opposite. Life is good. That’s bad for blogging. Or at least it is right now. The happiest thing to report, or to note to myself, since my dozen regular readers have now abandoned me as well, is the long-awaited return of the Muse.

That’s right people. My Muse has returned.

After a very nice evening at my nemesis/friend Rob Asghar’s house warming in Long Beach last weekend, I was gripped by the desire to play guitar and to create a new arrangement on a hymn I sang today in church with my wife. It felt really good. New, different, better- like dating again after a harsh break up. Which is what had happened: after all the nastiness that befell me at Hollywood Pres, playing guitar was like seeing an old girlfriend that you wanted to get together with, but you knew was bad for you. Tempting, but ultimately unsatisfying, depressing and most of all, too much work. Now it’s been so long since I’ve played, the guitar has mostly lost it’s old meaning. I can love it again. Also, I’m playing my wife’s guitar.

What surprised me is that in some ways, I am better than I was when I stopped playing regularly a few years ago. My hands were a little rusty, but serviceable enough. It was my ear and my voice that had changed. Going through my old arrangements, I cringe at some of the things I used to play. Some were OK, but some were definitely wrong and would have to be changed. I think what has happened is that I finally had enough distance to hear them for what they really were, not what I hoped they would be. There’s only one way to get that perspective though: a time of waiting and silence. I had to mourn the past and let go- only then could I begin to expect a new and better future. Tentatively, it looks like it’s beginning to take shape.

The voice thing took me by surprise. Although I’ve been singing as part of a congregation I haven’t really focused on it. It different now- more bluesy and twangy; more like the way I wish it could be. Maybe I’m able to hear it differently now too.

My Pastor began this Lent preaching "working from your rest, not
resting from your work". I’ve rested for a few years now. I think it’s
time to work again. Thank you Lord!

5 Comments leave one →
  1. Timmy C permalink
    April 3, 2006 11:15 am

    Very cool posting all around…great to hear…


  2. Rob A. permalink
    April 3, 2006 4:21 pm

    Here’s a friend/nemesis who’s glad to hear about it!

  3. April 7, 2006 7:11 pm

    What a great feeling!

    So glad you had a return to the sweet love of guitar playing. And worship song playing that doesn’t feel sucky.

    I’ve just started playing again at my church and it’s great to play new songs and older songs differently.

  4. Duke_Ray permalink
    April 18, 2006 7:11 pm

    Welcome back, Count… and welcome back, Muse!

  5. April 24, 2006 10:21 am

    Great quote from your pastor on rest and work. Please write me his name, Dave so I can quote him better than “Count Grecula’s pastor said…”


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