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The End of Blogging

January 25, 2009

I’ve had the title of this post in my head for quite a while, even if I’ve been unsure what to put in it.

Every so often, I like to re-think what I’m doing and how I do it. Often nothing changes; or if it does it’s merely an incremental change or on the edge. Rarely do I have a fundamental change, but it happens. I’ve had a few big changes in my life over the years and a number of medium ones too. At heart I am a creative person and this process is just part of what I do. I’m sure other’s do it too, they may just not have quite the sense of it or use different words and concepts to do the same basic thing: grow.

So I wrestle with giving up sending my words out here in this digital space for all to see; I question my career choice and prospects; my choie of friends, my reading choices, how I spend my time online; how I spend it at home, etc.

Blogging doesn’t seem to fit. Not that I’ve been that great at it, but I have spent quite a bit of time over the past 4-5 years or so commenting and then writing on my own blog known formerly as the society for the politically incontinent. All to no avail, if the changing of hearts and minds is any indication. All to no avail if any better understanding was created between those who disagree- a cherished hope of mine. Nothing to show for it but mostly scorn, discord and friendships gone cold. A shouting match in the parking lot was always my intention, but at the end of it you’re supposed to all go home together and just work it out.

Still, I have this urge to be understood, to be heard and to… be not alone. Because if I could indentify one feeling in all the whirlwind of the past several years, it would be one of insense lonliness. Worse than lonliness: betrayal and abandonment.

Looking deeper though, I see that as a bit too much drama queen. Another part of me says “cowboy up” and go. The cowboy drinks though, and knows that sometimes he finds himself in a group of people saying he’s drunk- time to sit down. It could be that time too I suppose. The way it looks to me though is that a great many people in this country are in the midst of their own ragin’ kegger of unreality and it is only a matter of time before the hangover starts.

So I don’t know where this goes. I’ve been putting a lot of stuff in my shared items page and anyone who wants to drink from that spigot is welcome to stop by there. A lot of people write a lot better than I do, with timliness and grace to boot. I need time to process things before I know how I feel. Doesn’t necessarily make for good blog.

A purpose or a stopping place- that’s what I’m looking for here at SMD. One thing I know, based on the experience of the past few years, is that I do not want to make kvetching about President Obama my life’s goal here. I’ve seen what Gollum-like effects that can have on ones Spirit, and I do not want to partake of it. Yet I know that much of what I believe in and hope for is now marked for destruction. Or is it? As Glenn Renynols often asked during the election “Who are the rubes?” We’ve got a lot of time to find that out- but I’m sure things will not be as bad as feared or as good as one has hoped. Or hyped.

There’s also the way the war in Iraq has turned out. It seems that we’ve won. No one’s really noticed yet, but that’s the fact. And in that I take a good measure of consolation. I wish I could share it more frequently, or gloat or bludgeon someone with it frankly, but that day is nowhere near at this point. As expected. The original need for me to blog though has been taken away- and for some time.

So for today, goodbye. Nothing final, but probably a good long break or move to a new locale is in order. Or maybe three posts tomorrow.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. steve permalink
    January 26, 2009 7:53 am

    Change is good. I’m glad for you, whatever form that change will take.

  2. January 26, 2009 11:21 am

    Hi Count Grec,

    You have to do what God made you to do, but when you do feel like writing again, I hope you sit down and write and then publish to your blog. Someday our children and their children may read what we have written. If History doesn’t get written on the side of freedom, we need our offspring to know what we know and also know we didn’t follow the masses.

    I read Tom Sawyer last week and I am amazed at how contemporary Mark Twain’s descriptions of human nature are. Some truths are timeless.

    Our best effort in writing is all we can give, but I believe your best effort is enough. Nobody, nowadays has the ability to be a single influencer, but a lot of writers saying similar things can make an influence.

    Take care.

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